soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
so much tequila, so little girl.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
