I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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