Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
