Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
