i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
