no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
