Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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