So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
