they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
