Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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