so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
