the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
