Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
