so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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