what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
