Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
