there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
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