i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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