All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
