just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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