you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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