well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
