Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
