Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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