ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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