I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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