I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
