oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
we're so committed to being not committed
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
