She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
