sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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