Yo dont text me then not text me
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
