I am puke
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
