i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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