I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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