Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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