In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
