I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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