I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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