next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
