I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
