shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
