I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
