No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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