I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
