then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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