omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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