I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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