this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
