it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
