No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
