At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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