So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize