yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
