I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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