Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
