I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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