he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
