this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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