Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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