I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize