My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
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