The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
So squirting runs in the family.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
