i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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