Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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