just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
