paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
