Texts From Last Night

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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.

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  (508): We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while. http://tfl.nu/9c2t
  Replies (32) Good night (3961) Bad night (967)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy

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  (904): i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy http://tfl.nu/fggt
  Replies (15) Good night (3885) Bad night (868)
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  (562): View more from California

  Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.

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  (562): Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty. http://tfl.nu/kgia
  Replies (34) Good night (12005) Bad night (1602)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober

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  (608): I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober http://tfl.nu/eoub
  Replies (27) Good night (4650) Bad night (775)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.

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  (865): I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it. http://tfl.nu/q5jx
  Replies (38) Good night (951) Bad night (13982)
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  (619): View more from California

  I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.

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  (619): I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning. http://tfl.nu/8wyf
  Replies (15) Good night (6949) Bad night (1643)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.

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  (210): The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him. http://tfl.nu/79ut
  Replies (9) Good night (5143) Bad night (1374)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  im sober

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive

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  (815): im sober (920): you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive http://tfl.nu/hm58
  Replies (3) Good night (2511) Bad night (669)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...

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  (860): on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed... http://tfl.nu/6d23
  Replies (4) Good night (1196) Bad night (498)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.

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  (727): Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch. http://tfl.nu/2pha
  Replies (4) Good night (1405) Bad night (624)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.

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  (603): Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon. http://tfl.nu/3aco
  Replies (3) Good night (560) Bad night (1284)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?

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  (802): Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter? http://tfl.nu/jufp
  Replies (8) Good night (1156) Bad night (433)
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  (619): View more from California

  You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch

  (1-619): View more from California

  Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.

  (619): View more from California

  Love you...

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  (619): You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch (1-619): Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you. (619): Love you... http://tfl.nu/dldo
  Replies (1) Good night (642) Bad night (578)
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  (323): View more from California

  He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.

  (323): View more from California

  Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.

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  (323): He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour. (323): Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks. http://tfl.nu/2ar3
  Replies (5) Good night (914) Bad night (340)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs

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  (651): Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs http://tfl.nu/pah7
  Replies (2) Good night (817) Bad night (317)

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