i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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