I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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