so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
