were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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