So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
