Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
