Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
