Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
