life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
