No awkward lesbian experiences without me
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
