I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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