My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
