Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize