are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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